Day 23

 TM done

OU Wk4 Pt4 done

yesterday was shit

Day 22

 TM Done

OU Wk4 Pt3 done

Day 21

 TM done

OU Wk4 pt2 done

Day 20

 TM done

Day 19

 TM done

The world just keeps on getting crazier, abortions are now illegal in the US! and the punishment for having one is more severer than the punishment for rape! WTF is going on!

On a lighter note, I'm trying to persuade two of my oldest friends to get an Xbox, updates to follow.

Day 18

 TM done

OU start wk4 Monday Day21

The lounge is still being re-decorated so I'm stuck in bed

Day 17

 TM Done

OU completed wk3

Essay writing

 Day 16

TM walked the halls again

OU finished wk4 pt4 re-learning essay writing techniques

 Day 15

TM is unavailable as the lounge is being re-decorated and all the furniture has been put into the conservatory where the TM lives. So I walked up and down the hallway instead.

OU wk3 pt3 done

Day 14

Still going! colour me surprised as it has been hard in recent years for me to remain motivated, chronic pain will eat you away.

TM done

OU completed wk3 pt2

Day 13

TM Tick, typical English weather blistering hot yesterday and cold today!

 

Day 12

 TM tick too hot for this

 Day 11

TM done.

In a lot of pain, almost stayed in bed as that's the only way I get relief.

Day 10

TM Tick.

Finished Wk2 OU. 

Day 9

Treadmill, TM henceforth, complete.

Open University, OU henceforth, W2 Pt4 complete

Had Robert, one of my wife's cousins stay for two days, great conversation as we share similar world views and are both logic-based thinkers. 

Day 8

Day 8 (Sundays off)

Early treadmill today, it's going to be hot again.

Finished part 2 of wk 2 OU course.

Day 7

The mill has been tred.

Getting up early every day at 07:00 but still struggle to get to sleep.

So tired during the day now, I hope the change doesn't take too long.

 Day 6

Very sleepy today.

Treadmill walked.

 Day 5

Still going but really struggling today, dogos got me up at 04:00! then wife @ 07:00

The treadmill walk is done, don't think it will be a good standing day but will continue to push it.

Dolly is my companion dogo and she is amazing, barks (too much) at anyone/thing that comes close (within a mile) of me, and also barks when my blood sugar is off! Because I don't have enough to deal with I was recently diagnosed with adult-onset Diabetes 

Dolly

Boots

Sally

Day 4 

Completed week 1/8 of the skills for learning course.

Did my treadmill walk.

Very hot and tired so sitting eating a raspberry ice lolly :)

Memo

Just finished Week 1 Part 3 English: skills for learning 

Sleep

One of my biggest problems is sleeping, it takes me a long time to actually fall asleep. Even if I read for an hour plus I still struggle, I find my mind is still going like a hamsters wheel.

So I have decided to go all in and signed up for an online course with the OU which starts in October and lasts 2 years. I have also started one of their free courses, which is a guide to getting back to studying, lasting 8 weeks. 

It's going to be hard due to the previously mentioned short-term memory problems but that's what notes are for.

I hope that the mental stimulation combined with the new exercise will lead to better sleep.

Day 3

Day 3 and feeling the fatigue. 

Waking up as tired, or more, as I went to sleep is getting old. TBH it got old a long time ago, I'm hoping that my new approach will change this.

Treadmill done, will try to stand up but it probably won't be as much today.

Might need some Salt n Peppa :)

Day 2

Just completed my second treadmill session, did the first one yesterday.

I stood up as much as I could yesterday, more than I have in too long, finding it a little harder today but am determined to make the change.

It's hard when taking a shower wipes you out so much that you end up having to lie down after.

This is part of my inspiration 

What's it all about

My Origin Story

I tried to get out of bed about 10 years ago and ended up on the floor in agony unable to straighten my back.

My wife and children tried to help me but I was in too much pain to move so they called an ambulance, the paramedics lifted me screaming onto a stretcher, and took me to the hospital.

X-rays, scans and several buckets of painkillers later they decide, inconclusively that something had happened to one of the discs in my spine, however, in their eyes it did not look too bad and did not require further treatment so sent me home.

The pain continued, it was constant and severe so back to the hospital for more tests.

Same result with one Dr. telling me to try pilates! I could not think straight due to the pain level, my wife did what all good people do and insisted on further investigation. We were referred to a specialist at Queens National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery and received a letter of confirmation from his secretary stating the wait time was about six months.

One year later my wife made a noise after being put off time after time only to be told that the Dr had forgotten about me!

By this time the drugs I was taking for the pain, which included morphine and some very strong nerve blockers, had reduced me to a little short of a vegetable. I could not hold a conversation, keep passing out mid-sentence and the constant pain had all but destroyed my short-term memory.

I was eventually admitted to Queens after several visits, don't ask about the train journeys PAIN, where I spent a few weeks being told various things including that it was a "software" issue, i.e. it's all in my head! This Dr changed his mind when he lifted my leg and I almost hit the ceiling. I was passed from Dr to Dr until I eventually met a real professor who listened to me and examined me with an open mind, this guy was, despite being the oldest of the many medical professionals to see me, had the most current information re back/neurological issues. 

He ran his fingertips across my back with the lightest touch, saw how much pain it caused and was able to explain that due to the length of time the nerves in my lower back had reacted to the pain and physically changed, they were now irreversibly stuck in the on position, my wife and I cried finally something made sense.

So from there, I was discharged as there was/is nothing that can be done.

About two years ago during a brief moment of clarity, I decided, against all advice, to stop taking the many drugs. They had long since stopped having any effect, apart from the mind-numbing, so I went cold turkey, and boy that was fun.

On the other side, I could now hold a conversation, think straight, reason, and engage with my family.

So what's the problem you ask, well the pain is still constant and becomes debilitating if I push even a little, walk, bend, sit etc. This led to me withdrawing from the world and spending too much time going over past mistakes, we all have them, in my mind. I can only thank my family and my pets, I was bought a companion dog by my wife, for keeping me sane.

Being human again

Day 1 

It's time!

Time to start my redemption arc, so goals.

: Stand up as much as possible

: Use the treadmill, carefully!

: Engage with everyone I come into contact with

: Stop looking inward so much

: Cut down the self-loathing

Wow just reading the above goals makes me want to curl up and hide, how far have I fallen?